walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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