4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
