forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize