she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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