I could have mohawked her pubes.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
