hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
