I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize