PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
