I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
did you just send me my own nude
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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