i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
