my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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