so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
