apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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