Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
