The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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