maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
