Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
