Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
