you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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