Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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