1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
