if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
