Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
