So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
