We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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