the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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