In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
