I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
