dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
