Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
