My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
