i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
