Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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