the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
im holly from the hills drunk
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize