I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
