I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
