What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
