'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
