so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
