His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
