you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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