I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
