yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
