Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
