I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
40s are totally the cure
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
