Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
