I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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