Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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