I think my fart just growled at me.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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