She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
