We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
