Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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