Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
