you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
