I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
