Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
