We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
