I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
