I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
