She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
