Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
