I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
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