God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
