I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
