I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
