fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
