omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I wear drunk well.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
