how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
