Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
