Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
