I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
