hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
