I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hippo gnu deer
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
