Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
