I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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