Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
