Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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