A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
