Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Is it because I queefed?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
