I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
