I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
