I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
