i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
