we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
