Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
