So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
