you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
