IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
