Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
