I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize