First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
