it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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