Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
