I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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