there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
no you cant smoke seaweed
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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