and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize