Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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