so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
