there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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